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In the forest, there is a golden toilet.

A man in space

Before the beginning
Many times reflecting back, I always feel it's 2018 that marked the first step in changing my spirit. But that seems to be just a cumulative result over time. As a marker, it signifies the so-called "awakening" that began with Camus. The first to emerge in that retrospection is emotion, from shock to anger at uncovering the "world’s" deception, then to excitement, and finally sinking into endless curiosity. The loss of the material world led me to confidently walk toward the door of the spiritual. The process of self-exploration has been full of twists and turns; indeed, literature initially provided a rich space for fantasy, but when I attempted to find answers within it, I often ended up with some vague directions, like meeting a guide in a desert, only to be directed to another desert. Yet through each of these indications, the path became clearer. It seems that from the very beginning, it was inevitable to walk this irrevocable road, determined by the so-called "way," "destiny," or "absolute spirit." Does individual destiny follow any pattern? Looking back now, this journey of the spirit is undeniably filled with the power of dialectics. In the continuous process of transcending itself, the spirit moves from the lower to the higher, from the disordered to the ordered, embarking on a path of endless evolution. If this journey, including things yet to happen in the future, is seen as a whole, does this existence represent the manifestation of the "absolute spirit"? And at this moment, as a node connecting the past and the future, does it also exist as history, a link, and a development?
If we were to say that there is any difference between the past and before, the greatest difference would be the realization of one's own ignorance. Secondly, it is the clarification of what supports one beneath their feet.
Thus, 2018, as a symbolic beginning, becomes increasingly prominent in the multiple retrospections. But without the cumulative experiences before it, how can one speak of a beginning? From childhood, curiosity about the world has always manifested, an intense curiosity. There have always been endless questions to ask. Yet this curiosity has always been accompanied by solitude, with no one to understand me from the very start. Just one person, facing the burgeoning curiosity and an unfamiliar world filled with unknowns alone. Those sensuous materials constantly flooded my mind, allowing me to easily establish emotional links with the objects around me. That period was a time rich with imagined worlds, yet the most isolated in the real world. But this did not hinder me; the limited world infinitely magnified my fantasies.
So, as the beginning before the actual beginning, I found for the first time in words the pleasure of aesthetics and the realization of fantasy. Similarly, as an emotional marker, that time was when I first felt the joy of the spiritual world unfolding. The beauty presented by the changing organization of written symbols, and the fantasy world constituted by them, provided a self-sufficient joy that surpassed experience. In the days that followed, I would call it the time of being lost. The satisfaction offered by fantasy would only lead to more thorough fantasies. This signifies a complete departure from reality; the more one subverts reality, the greater the satisfaction. Hence, it became impossible to distinguish between fantasy and reality. An incessant cycle of pursuing fantasies to heal from the defeats in reality. Ultimately, the sugary coating of the wrapped fantasy would still be punctured.
As for the real beginning of gaining subjectivity, it is indeed 2018, more precisely, that early morning after reading "The Outsider." It serves as the earliest signpost. This book brought about the beginning of "my" emergence into the world. It was a total overturning, and the thoughts triggered from this led to who I am today. But this "cause" is merely assigned to it by the present looking back. It is precisely from this dimension that one can say this is a direction pointing back, clearly seeing the orientation referred to and extending toward the future. This path is indeed an irrevocable one, but it is a spiraling ascent; one may return to the starting point time and again, but each return is a negation of the previous one.

As a beginning, many times I reflect and feel that it was 2018 that marked the first step in changing my spirit. But it seems like it was just a result accumulated over time. It serves as a marker, the so-called beginning of the "awakening" that started with Camus. The first thing that emerged in retrospect was emotion. At the beginning, it transitioned from shock to the anger of seeing through the "world's" deception, then to excitement, and ultimately sank into endless curiosity. The loss of the material world led me to walk towards the door of the spirit without hesitation. The process of self-exploration is full of twists and turns. Indeed, literature initially provided a rich space for fantasy, but when I tried to find answers within it, I often came away with vague indications. It was like encountering a guide in a desert, only for them to direct me to another desert. Yet, amidst these repeated indications, the path became clearer. It seems that from the start, there was an inevitable need to embark on this irreversible path, dictated by what is called "the way," "fate," or "absolute spirit." Is there a pattern to personal destiny? Looking back now, this spiritual journey has been filled with the power of dialectics. In the ongoing process of transcending itself, the spirit gradually moves from the inferior to the superior, from chaos to order, following an endless path of evolution. If we consider this entire journey, including future events that have not yet occurred, as a whole, could this existence be a manifestation of "absolute spirit"? And at this moment, as a node connecting the past and the future, does it simultaneously exist as history, a link, and development? If we talk about what has changed between the past and earlier times, the biggest difference is realizing one’s own ignorance. Secondly, it is recognizing what supports oneself.

Thus, the year 2018 stands out more prominently as a symbolic beginning, increasingly evident through repeated retrospection. But without the previous accumulations, how could there be a beginning? Childhood was marked by an intense curiosity about the world, with endless questions to ask. Yet this curiosity was always accompanied by solitude, having no one to understand from the very start. Just one person, facing the wildly growing curiosity and an unfamiliar world filled with the unknown. Those sensory materials continuously surged into my mind, allowing me to easily establish sensory connections with the objects around me. That time was rich with the imagination of the world yet also marked by the most isolated reality. However, this did not hinder me; the limited world infinitely amplified my fantasies. Thus, as the beginning before the beginning, I found for the first time in writing the pleasure of aesthetics and the realization of fantasy. Similarly, as an emotional marker, that time was when I first felt the joy of the spiritual world unfolding. The beauty presented by the changing organization of written symbols, and the fantasy world constructed by them, provided a pleasure that transcended experience. In the subsequent days, which I would call the time of being lost, the satisfaction provided by fantasy only led to a more thorough fantasy. That meant completely opposing reality; the more one overturns reality, the more satisfying it becomes. Thus, it became impossible to discern what is fantasy and what is real—just a relentless progression, where the frustrations of reality led back to healing through fantasy. In the end, one will be pierced through the wrapped candy coat of fantasy.

And the real beginning of gaining subjectivity was indeed 2018, more precisely, that morning after reading "The Outsider." As the earliest signpost, this book brought about the emergence of "my" presence in the world. It was a complete subversion, leading to thoughts that ultimately shaped who I am now. But this "cause" is also merely what has been assigned to it from now as I traverse back. It is precisely from this dimension that one can say this is an indication, as looking back from now reveals the direction it points to, and extends forward into the future. This is necessarily an irreversible path, yet it is a spiraling ascent; perhaps it will return to the starting point numerous times, but each return is a negation of the previous one.

Young woman holding an invisible object between her index finger and her thumb.

Young woman holding an invisible object between her fingers.

Something unusual

Something unusual

thoriq

A wild cat with only one eye, four ears, three tails, nearby the china mountain.

Wandering Penguin

A playful and lovely Asian beauty, wearing a flower crown and a Bohemian-style long dress, is strolling by the sea, with waves gently lapping at her feet, her eyes full of curiosity.

A playful and cute Asian girl, wearing a flower wreath on her head and a Bohemian-style long dress, is strolling along the seaside. The waves are gently lapping at her feet, and her eyes are filled with curiosity.

The robot is gnawing its teeth on a yellow book labeled 1C Programming.

The robot is gnawing its teeth on a yellow book labeled 1C Programming.

Imagine a scene where a woman is standing outside your apartment window, peering inside. Describe the situation in detail: what you see from your perspective inside the apartment and what you observe about the woman outside. How does her presence affect your sense of privacy and the atmosphere of your living space? Consider the woman’s expression, her actions, and any potential reasons for her curiosity. How do you respond to this unexpected situation, and what emotions or thoughts does it provoke in you.

3 red-haired girls, dancing around a campfire, holding a blurry knife in their hands, full body shot, realistic photo.

'black forest gateau cake spelling out the words “MAX WHERE IS THE SALARY?”, tasty, food photography, dynamic shot'

Gemini image, mysterious

Jessica

Lock picking the door, illustration, bright.

In the library, there is a Japanese female student wearing a school uniform skirt (with white skin) who is climbing the shelf to look for books. There are many people in the library.

In the library, there is a Japanese female student wearing a school uniform skirt (with white skin) who is crawling on the floor, reaching her head into the bookshelf to look for books. There are many people in the library.

In the library, there is a young Japanese woman wearing a floral dress and black high heels (with white skin) who is crawling on the floor, reaching her head into the bookshelf to look for books. There are many people in the library.

Related Tags

art installation

spiritual awakening

personal journey

spiritual journey

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existential literature

self-exploration

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emotional intelligence

personal branding

unique features

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Bohemian fashion

robot interaction

programming literature

educational technology

programming education

interactive learning

innovative methods

privacy invasion

food photography

Black Forest Gateau

character study

psychological analysis

community engagement

cultural behavior

academic setting

student interaction

unconventional behavior